Matt Cutts did indeed worked for the CIA briefly. After discovering terrorist cells in America, uncovering Hoffa's burial site, and answering all the remaining questions about aliens and ufo's Matt was asked to leave. When asked why the then CIA director, Robert Gates, reported "Matt just took the fun and mystery out of the job for us."

Google patented Matt, patent pending #12984393984

Waldo isn't hiding, Matt just penalized his site.

Matt secretly envies Zawondy running ads

Matt Cutts does not sleep, he goes into screen saver mode

Hormel has relocated Spam plants from Kentucky and California due to Matt residing in those states.

Matts Cutts once killed a spammer using a plastic straw. A technique he learned from the CIA before he went undercover in Latvia.

Spammers commemorate Matt Cutts vacations as holidays.

Matt once considered resigning from Google. It's reported that Larry was overheard sobbing in his office. Matt decided to stay after Sergey showed up on his lawn holding a boombox over his head with "In Your Eyes" playing.

When in 1991 Matt left Kentucky to go to college, the kentucky's average IQ dropped 10 points.

Matt has never been tail gated since he nofollowed his car.

When Matt was single he only dated women that were useful and informative.

Matt Cutts likes 7up more than Sprite, that's why if you search for 7up in Google, you will see 7up.com in #1, but if you search for Sprite...Sprite website is nowhere to be found.

Matt Cutts once designed a trap link farm and has so far trapped over 1 million spammers in a net of algorithims based metal.

Matt Cutts is locked in a bitter legal battle over Quorn's use of the term 'cuttlets'.

Matt Cutts prefers to eat babies with barbeque sauce rather than just plain.

Matt Cutts has a tool on his laptop that allows him to not only see everything a webmaster has ever done to his site, but everything that webmaster has ever done, ever. Including that one time in college.

Dr. Matt Cutts MiniMe is Adam Lasnik.

Matt has only his political standpoint known one, single time during his time with google. Today it is known as the "miserable failure" incident.

Matt has never gone to IKEA. He doesn't own or use any cupboards or closets at home. Instead he places all his stuff in random places, at least to the naked eye, but (search) algorithmically correct. [Update: 7UP and Heinz Ketchup has been suspected of placing SEO-friendly food items in Matt's house and the top 5 SEO companies are rumored to have achieved some success in reverse engineering the Google algorithm from Matt's placement of his dirty laundry]

With facial hair, Matt Cutts has a PR score of 11.

Matt Cutts penalized Vanna White for hiding text.

Unimpressed with Neo’s blackhat manipulation of The Matrix, Matt is reported to have hand-edited all traces of a coherent plot-line from the film’s sequels.

Matt Cutts is so tough that he doesn't even talc before going commando in leather shorts

Matt modeled the PR rank after a college game called "mine's bigger" - A PR of 10 was meant to be the outer limit - of course Matt's college was mostly white.

Dr. Evil Matt Cutts has his finger on the triger at all times. While he enjoys zapping Webmasters out off Google Index, one at a time, for Google guidelines violations with his Matt Ray Gun, he prefers to do preemptive strikes on large chunks of the Web community at the same time. Power hungry, he has a button, that can only be described as deathcom one to deathcom five, and is joined to Google PR Tool Bar. As he gets angry at Webmasters he escalates the attack and in the process eliminating the weak links. Do not piss off Big Bad Matt Cutts or he will destroy us all..:)

Matt led the team responsible for improving Agent Smith’s algorithm for the Matrix sequels. Google plan to release a commercial version of Agent Smith in late 2009.